If you take an abnormal psychology class, you will see how messed up people have become. You actually don’t even need to take a class. You can just read the news to find out. But anyways, the DSM V has been recently released, incorporating more and more psychological disorders, mood disorders, and personality disorders. And […]
Main Content
God Knows What They Did To You
A major problem with translation is that the words of the speaker is lost. After translating, you are no longer able to appreciate the actual words the speaker chose to say. You lose out on the flavor of the speakers language. You lose out on the order and sequencing of the phrases and sentences used […]
Blessings & Curses
I have so much going for me. I have knowledge. I’m on the brink of landing a well paying job, with all the learning opportunities I’m pursuing. I have amazing resources available here in the DFW area for my professional career. I’m confident in my abilities to succeed. I have a great family, very loving […]
The Male Role Model
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم When you are a golden spoon child, parents are everything. When you are smothered, spoiled, the absolute center of attention of love and enjoyment by the two primary caregivers, without any healthy relationships outside the nuclear family, that is when parents and their beliefs and views get ingrained in the children. […]
A Word On Hell
I’ve written quite extensively about my scrupulosity issues regarding hell. Paranoia of getting punished, etc. As I’ve plowed through those issues, I feel like I’ve matured to a point where I can properly understand the whole context of hell. I’ve written about it, and even been inspired about the wisdom of hellfire. But it just […]
Terrible Tahajjud Emotions
I woke up around 4 a.m. this morning. I folowed the sunnah and prayed tahajjud. Tahajjud at time where the hadiths mention that Allah is closest to you in answering your prayers and wanting you to come closer to him so He can come closer to you. To illustrate the hideousness of my condition, let […]
Abilify – A review
About a month ago, I started taking a mood stabilizer, called Abilify. How do I feel with Abilify? It’s been about a month since I started taking the Abilify. The dosage I started off with was 5 mg as prescribed by my latest psychiatrist, Dr. Lubna Siddiki. I didn’t start off with the full 5 mg […]
A step out of depression dungeon
What I’ve been experiencing is hell. Depression to the max. Averaging around 9 / 10 on the depression scales. Feeling myself turning into an evil cold hearted person, with no goodness left. Feeling like any moment I’m ready to move on to the next phase of my life and end this one, that is moving […]
Does Wellbutrin work well?
I’m lying down in my car. I’m feeling awful. On top of the severe throbbing hurt in my heart from depression, I’m feeling my head dizzy, and sweating. I feel severe amounts of paranoia and My hands feel shaky. Dry mouth is the minor symptom. There is a whole additional set of awful symptoms that […]
Why This Depression?
Why did today happen? Emotionally I’m talking about. Why did I have such severe, ridiculous, dehabiliting depression? Why did I have to suffer the ENTIRE time, driving back from Baton Rouge, for 11 hours, from 12 p.m. to 10:30. With severe severe, hurt, engulfing of the heart, heart, throbbing, jolting, severe pain, getting lit on […]
My 9 a.m. Fajr Prayer
??? ???? ?????? ?????? I fell into the severe lows of my depression yesterday, after having so much progress and motivtion, that the pain associated with success and mommy crept in till it took over. Then I had this severe emotional low, complete loss of motivation. I was barely able to get up to even […]
Disengaging Depression
It’s hard to describe the severity the emotional experience of depression brings. After I feel like I’m making progress in plowing through my derpression, I experience a day like today, where I feel such severe emotions from my past, bursting out of my heart, as if it will explode. The experience is not from the […]
Party Pooper
??? ???? ?????? ?????? There was nothing more beloved to me than to leave the party tonight, filled with hurt and pain, and to sit on the bathroom floor and to allow myself to feel my hurt in the depth of my heart. To explore and feel truly what is bothering me, instead of always just […]
Happy?!? Birthday
December 24th was my 35th birthday. Birthday’s were a huge part of my life growing up. Being the center of attention, and the precious son of my overprotective and extremely spoiling mother. I got a a package from my mom. She bought me a “happy birthday gift.” After going through the most severe disabling […]
Trust YOU Again?!?!
??? ???? ?????? ?????? ??? ???? ????? ?? ????? ??????? ?? ???? ???? ??? ?? ????? ???? ??? ?????? ??? ???? ?? ??? ????? ??? ????? ? ?? ???? ???????? He said, “Will I entrust you with him, just like I entrusted you with his brother from before? Allah is a better protector and the […]
The Pangs of Depression
I woke up, after a slightly more manageable day, although every day I feel these soul stinging and paining depressions, no matter what activity I engage in, and I have felt so awful with these soul stinging in the dead center of my heart, when I try to pray or read quran, that has been […]
The Depression Cloud
The darkness of depression is dismal. It is dark. almost completely dark. I have such severe soul pains all day long, that I’m hoping and wishing that would come out of my soul in the form of tears. Yet, I seem to be unable to do that, and have constant terrible painful feelings and thoughts […]
“Is Depression a Sign of Weak Iman?”
I did a google search for “depression and iman”, and I came across a little article by Understand Quran Academy, addressing this topic. I felt the urge to comment on this article because he was bringing things from THE SURAH dealing with psychological issues, the Best Story EVER; especially for you and me, oh […]
Who Gets Hell?
??? ???? ?????? ?????? Anybody suffering with scrupulosity will be consumed with the idea of hellfire. Who get’s hellfire? This becomes the focus of your life. Because I’ve felt such a loss of faith, due to my severe despair and ocd with hellfire, I have become paranoid severely that I could be from them, for […]
Worship Rahman
??? ???? ?????? ?????? Anxiety and Scrupulosity is deficient in one major area. Belief in Rahman. There’s a newsflash that I want to send to myself and all of my friends here in the community and other readers. We are worshipping The Most Compassionate. That is who we are enslaving ourselves to. The Most Compassionate. […]
“Could Allah Punish Me?”
??? ???? This is the burning question my scrupulosity asks me. This is the source of my agony. “Would Allah ever punish me?” That’s the source of all the anxiety, despair, paranoia, and even anger and resentment. “Is it possible that the most compassionate Rabb, the source of pleasure, peace, love, and care, the protecting […]
Obsession with Punishment
??? ???? ?????? ?????? I’ve been stuck in the gutter for the past maybe year engulfed in obsessions with punishments, and accountability. I think about Allah and the afterlife all day long. But you will not find anybody more miserable. I think negative things about Allah and somehow punishing or being held accountable. It is […]
The Secret of the Shirt
??? ???? ?????? ?????? Surah Yusuf has an interesting recurring theme throughout. That is, the Shirt of Yusuf. It is a mystery of the Quran, and when tying into self esteem and self worth, oh it is simply amazing. Yusuf’s shirt was mentioned 6 times in the surah in 4 places. Let’s look at the […]
Interpretations of Condemnation
??? ???? ?????? ?????? This post is a tough one to write in the midst of my issues. But I had a bought of inspiration, so I thought I may try to crank it out now. I am having incredible difficulty with hellfire, punishments, and sins these days. I crazy difficult time. A difficulty and […]
Does Islam Ignore Self Esteem?
??? ???? ?????? ?????? “The Quran is guidance for humanity. It has general principles for the problems of humanity.” I’ve heard this many a time. “Okay Sheikh so and so. What about my severe depression problems and self esteem and worthlessness issues. You say god cares and loves me, but where is God talking to […]
The Present Moment and As-Salam
??? ???? ?????? ?????? I was questioning myself yesterday. I had become so angry and upset inside towards my religion. I felt that I fell completely into the dark side, with the state of my heart. My heart and mind took a beating, and some of the worst irrationality I have experienced was coming out. […]
Rewarding those who “do”
??? ???? ?????? ?????? Stress has damaged my heart, mind, and soul. Too much stress in religion has made me miserable. Wanting some peace from religion is the main thing I wanted, but I am stuck dealing with the misery and the stress and pressure, which led me to a severely poor opinion of God. […]
The Mercy of Hellfire
??? ???? ?????? ?????? Catchy title, huh? If you have been following some of my posts, you probably wouldn’t expect to find a post like this from me, especially in recent times. Why, even if you asked me this morning about this same topic, you would find a different response from me. But when God […]
Qualms of Psychiatry and Normalcy
Well folks. It’s been a while since we last met. There has been the dooziest experiences I’ve had since last post 6 weeks ago. Let’s just say I wasn’t aware that life could get so miserable, even if you were dealing with depression; even if you have the Quran & Islam. Despair in your soul […]
“Irreversible Damage”
??? ???? ?????? ?????? “The damage is irreversible.” This is what I was feeling towards the latter part of the day. It was again a paralyzing day, with a shaitanic influence feeling the most ridiculous amounts of stress, anxiety, paranoia from punishment, disablement, and kufr feelings and ideas bombardment, evil feelings, and sickness pretty much […]
