About a month ago, I started taking a mood stabilizer, called Abilify.
How do I feel with Abilify? It’s been about a month since I started taking the Abilify. The dosage I started off with was 5 mg as prescribed by my latest psychiatrist, Dr. Lubna Siddiki.
I didn’t start off with the full 5 mg dosage. I like to slowly ease into it so my mind and body can get used to it. I started with about 1/3 of the pill. In I’m very cautious when taking these medicines, primarily because I have had such awful reactions so many times when taking them.
When I first started the meds, I started feeling slight bouts of nausea, at least for the first several days.
I have to be honest though. I am suprsied that I haven’t had as extreme reactions in comparison to some of the other meds, like with Prozac, Lexapro, or Respiradol for example. Abilify is a mood stabilizer, so I was expecting a more severe reaction when starting off.
Iinstead, I felt some drowsiness, and some very slight nausea, which is definitely tolerable. After going on the full dosage of 5 mg., I was feeling strong urges to do stuff. I felt more restless and I don’t want to sit still. I want to keep on accomplishing things. It doesn’t feel good, but at least it wasn’t like the low side of depression, where you feel so awful you can’t get out of bed . Nevertheless, it still doesn’t feel good. I think it’s good to accomplish things, but you want to
feel good while you do stuff, and not working out of an urge or compulsion. Like it says in the Quran
اعملوا آل داود شكرا و قليل من عبادي الشكور
Work in a state of gratitude… And few of my servants are truly grateful.
What else do I feel? My sleep quality has diminished. I track my sleep using fitbit, and I noticed the total sleep time going down since I was taking Abilify. Again, I didn’t mind it though, because I enjoy working and moving forward with my goals and aspirations. It just would be nice if I didn’t’ feel the urges and painful emotions when working.
On the overall depression scale, I would say the pain and feelings of depression have been averaging at around an 8 / 10. It sometimes goes down to 7, and sometimes it’s at a 9 or higher.
I also have some slight headaches and my head feels slightly funny, although it’s not a major disabling symptom. I’m also extremely drowsy at times, and extremely jittery and restless at other times.
I still get really upset every time I try to go pray, and I feel the pains of the depression, where I can’t stand in prayer, because I feel so awful. What was most important to me, in having a healthy heart and relationship with Allah and Islam, now is something I least look forward to. I’m still combining and shortening my prayers because I straight up feel lousy when praying them. There is no quality or enjoyment in the prayer, which always ends up being a depression trigger. Imagine that. Praying to God, the source of peace and joy, is my depression trigger, and makes me feel worse. It feels like I’ve been abandoned by Him, so there’s no peace, yet I’m still required to do all the obligations, like pray, be good, avoid sin, etc.
I’ve felt lousy and awful for so long, I don’t know how it will ever be if I could actually feel good living, and worshipping Allah. If that day will come, where I feel خشوع and I feel good genuinely, where I feel truly content in my heart, I feel like I will go buy a ticket and travel to Disney World, and then take a trip to Makkah and do Umrah and truly thank Allah for having my faith and heart back.