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I was in a rush this morning, getting my son ready, and taking final exams at school. I had in my hand a nice tall thermos filled with a strawberry protein shake. It was slippery because I poured some out for my son to drink. Then as I was opening the gate door, the thing slipped out of my hand and pretty much all of just spilled to the dirty floor. I just paused and thought, “well, that was all part of the plan” Although inside, I was feeling upset about why these things happen to me.
Then I pulled out the water hose, and started washing the floor to get the strawberry shake off. And then it STARTED.
Something inside me was triggered. It was severe nostalgia. It was old memories of something I used to do as a child. I remembered such deep memories associated with the water hose. Back to my house in Virginia Beach, Lake Christopher.
We used to enjoy ourselves so much as a family. Me and my sisters would always play outside the house, and the park. We had water sprinklers and water hoses. We would do fun stuff with the water, spraying, doing water fights, shooting water guns, and just fun outdoor activities, just in our front lawn and the park next to the house. Come back into time and reminisce with me for a minute…………………
Shifting forward 30 years later, there I was, with the water hose in hand, triggering some deep niche in my heart, an emotional memory of the true fun I used to have when I was truly truly myself. Without all this stress and anxiety, and jinn influence, and other obligations. When I had my pure fitrah and zeal for life, I was innocently just enjoying life. Just having fun. Just being myself.
And the cover up job that I’ve done for the past 30 years, has been severe. There was and is so much pain inside that is still bottled up.
So turning on that water hose this morning brought back this severe nostalgia and pleasant memory of the past.
I stayed with this feeling, as I always try to dig deeper, and I started going to my ultimate tool of emotional release:
“I complain, release, and take all my old and deep sorrow, pain, and sadness to Allah”
I used this tool, whenever I feel that there is deeper pain hidden inside my heart, and I want it to surface. So that’s what I did, and sure enough, after just feeling that nostalgia with the water hose, and repeating this statement in the car ride, my tears and pains were releasing and surfacing, and tears were trickling down and falling off my cheek. And yes, those feelings were severe, and stuck inside me for so long. It felt like a deep geyser in my heart, just waiting to be released to the surface.
For sure, these emotions inside of us must be released. They just gotta to be taken off your chest. No CBT will ever rid your heart of such deep pain if it truly is there. Thinking about things differently will not release this pain. Releasing it in a healthy manner will do it insha’Allah. Keep at it. And let me know your results.