Insomnia is one of the more frustrating parts of an anxiety disorder to deal with. Some of the anxiety literature and treatment methods like anxiety centre often suggest to, “get a good nights rest.”
The funny thing is, because I was so gung ho about trying to apply all the techniques properly in my anxiety recovery, I developed anxieties and OCD’s to the techniques themselves. Sleep is no exception. I would and still do stress myself out when we are out later than normal, and it is taking away my chance to get a full nights rest. The frustration levels rise and all I want to do is rush hone to get ready for bed. See my post on Anxiety Exhaustion for a bit more on this.
But then the paradox strikes. You get in bed, and you’re simply not able to fall into slumber land. You so badly want to, but your stress levels prevent you from “crossing over” and reaching that peaceful state where your body has that quality time to recover from its stressed out state.
This past week, after I returned back to Saudi from the summer break in America, I have been struggling more so with this problem. The first couple days, it was probably more a jet lag thing, but when it was persisting beyond that, I started getting more and more frustrated that I can’t sleep the ENTIRE night. It bothered me more because I was worrying about how I am going ot be able to funciton when school starts back up again, and I don’t have the luxury of sleeping after fajr like the ramadan schedule.
There are several factors at play with my insomnia personally, leading to this insomnia paradox. These may strike a chord in some of you who relate to what I’m saying here. Let me know below in the comments of how much you can relate.
1. Worry about getting to sleep early and getting a full nights rest
2. Worry about what will happen if you aren’t able to sleep because you haven’t been able to successfully in a while
3. Worry about my baby son, who when he is awake and can’t sleep, makes me anxious, for reasons mentioned in “Uh-Oh, the Baby is Crying.”
4. Frustration and Anger that it’s so hard for me to get to sleep, even though I’m so in need of sleep for my body
5. Resentment that it’s not fair that I’m not able to sleep, when others can just fall asleep on a dime.
6. A lot of Waswaas from Shaitan that I’m a loser in Allah’s eyes, because I have these negative feelings towards the decree of Allah towards me. And that I don’t feel motivated to get up and pray all night like the sahabah did because you can’t sleep.
How to solve the Insomnia Paradox? Stop worrying. Oh but if it only was that easy for us to stop worrying. One day brothers and sisters, Allah will get us there.