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Things are taking a pleasant turn with the biggest sigh of relief.
The human is not a simple creature, which is why a guidebook is necessary to provide insight and clarity, and to help pinpoint the issues of the human condition.
God mentions a promise of the devil.
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“And you will not find most of them grateful.”
There you have it. A key area of shaitan’s tactics to ruin us and make our lives miserable. To make us feel thankless and unappreciative. Because I will be the first to attest and admit that I have not been truly truly appreciative for “blessings” in my life. It was something taken for granted and a normal part of my life being spoiled and given so much by my parents. I didn’t recognize all of the beautiful things I had as blessings. To me it was all lumped up in my embarassing past that I felt was cause for me developing my self esteem and worthlessness issues. I never internalized all those things that I was given and all my faculties and abilities, getting a first class education, to be manifestations of a God that actually set me up for it. I didn’t even realize that my eyesight, my brain, my creation from a sperm was even from a divine source. I just was the product of my parents who I saw as being my everything, making me who I am, and pleasing them being most important. To being an acceptable human being was through molding myself to their likes and dislikes.
Flashing forward to today, in dealing with my severe agony with shaitanic bombardment in and out of zhikr, in feeling the most misery I have ever experienced for a lifetime, there are slowly slowly some positive solid progresses in this department of shukr.
I have been aware about my shukr problem for quite some time in my struggles with shaitan. But applying and feeling those genuwine feelings of shukr was just so fleeing from me. Why was it that when I try to feel thankful for water, food, for a car, for nice in laws, etc etc. that my heart doesn’t melt with shukr? Why when I look to the beautiful sky trees gardens and creation around me does my heart not humble in awe to the designer of it all? And instead of feeling appreciative, I instead would feel emotions of upsetness despair, deeply rooted stuck feelings of sadness? And feelings of not wanting to recognize the majesty of the one who did create it all? And this is spending hours and hours just thinking about the beautiful creation?
It has been an extremely puzzling, frustrating, and agonizing ride. ?????
One part of the problem has been in fact with the devil completely influencing my emotions where I have had to separate my emotions from the devils’ emotions which still is hard to do in the moment.
But another piece of the puzzle is sustaining a certain level of shukr emotions when I am less under the influence. I have found when those true shukr emotions stick it makes my suffering melt away and alter my whole mindset and outlook improve. I find happiness and peace.
Another major factor that gets in the way of experiencing those deep feelings of gratitude is deep unresolved pain that God abandoned us when we were young. We grew up developing self esteem issues, because at the root level, we concluded that we would be valuable from some external factor, like being a certain way, or doing certain things, starting with our parents. We lived in a lifestyle that wasn’t surrounding the worship and servitude to God, who gave everything, but in a selfish culture that only looks at the external? a society that values external qualities.
So when we are reminded to “be grateful” for everything in our lives, it instead is a reminder of what we have spent our lives trying to forget; namely our true self. The true self that was deluded by the devil into thinking that we are worthless as we are using the people closest in our lives to establish the “evidence.” And these reminders of the “blessings” don’t actually increase any gratitude, rather it reminds of the painful souls we have inside us, that feel battered, and unworthy, and abandoned. This is another reason why we don’t feel that gratitude, but the despair that still may be saturating our souls. It is incredibly difficult to have true gratitude for blessings given to us, when we feel despair over our true selves. I believe it is impossible to have true gratitude when this emotion of despair is still poisoning our souls.
And ironically, it becomes difficult to understand Allah is Rahman when we are not able to count the blessings in our lives, because the #1 way to realize that God is in fact the most compassionate. And internalizing this one attribute of God really is the silver bullet against shaitan.
You may be wondering how to rid our selves of those old feelings of despair from our past. And the good news is, in my readings and efforts, that there is a surah in the Quran that does help with the trauma we dealt with as children, whether people would consider it trauma or not. And that is one of the lifelines for us as muslims to help get us over these emotional self esteem issues. Once the despair issues and closure is made with our past and how God set us up in life, then we will insha’Allah be able to feel those blissful amazing feelings of gratitude on a more lasting basis.
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